Not quite two years ago, some idle wondering about how my toons might fare in London’s 2012 Summer Olympics led to one of my favorite blog posts. Now that the Winter Olympics are going on in Sochi, I figured it was high time to ask my toons what cold-weather sports they’d want to try. The Team Thelanis roster was posted yesterday; today it’s Team Cannith’s turn.
Azida (dwarf ranger): Her short, stocky stature doesn’t keep Azida from wanting to go out for extreme sports. Not long ago, she traded her ho-hum pink braid for a cute acid green bob to reflect her wild side. The new ‘do should make her easy to pick out as she grabs her snowboard and takes to the half-pipe, where she’ll attempt to land the quadruple twisting triple 1440 flip. At least I think that’s what she said it was called.
Bazma (dwarf monk): Bazma’s sole purpose in life is to someday solo the Pit on elite at level 4. Since I almost never play her, she’s been stuck at 4 for a while, and she really wants to get out and have some fun. So I let her borrow some plat from Tirae to get a pair of skis, ’cause she’s determined to be the Maven of the Moguls at this year’s Winter Games. The fact that the moguls kind of look like oozes made of snow is purely coincidental.
Holdinn (halfling cleric): Holdinn is loud, snarky and funny… and a complete weakling. Really. He’s got a strength score of 6, so he’s burdened all the time. Rather than attempt to lug around a lot of gear and equipment, he can be found in the broadcast booth giving color commentary on pretty much any event he can find. And eat your heart out, Bob Costas – as Holdinn’s a cleric, he can heal his own eye infections.
Mordreda (Shadar-Kai rogue/monk): Dred, as she likes to be called, has a lot of, um, “issues,” even for a Shadar-Kai. Contrary to what some of her teammates think, she doesn’t actually have a death wish, but she does have a penchant for laughing in the face of danger. No one who knows her was surprised to find that she’s taken up skeleton. You have to be a little insane to throw yourself face-first on a tiny board and zoom through an ice course at more than 80 mph, and Dred is more than a little insane.
Quiaga (half-orc fighter): Like Winnie from Team Thelanis, Quiaga is competing in curling. While Winnie’s a sweeper, though, Quiaga’s the thrower for Team Cannith. Rumors that she practices by tossing dwarves are so far unsubstantiated… although it should probably be noted that both Azida and Bazma requested not to share a room with her.
Shaora (sun elf cleric/pally): There’s only so much gimpiness you can overcome. Shae was supposed to combine self-healing and divine casting from her cleric side with the tanky survivability of a pally, but seems to have gotten the worst qualities of each. But hey, what would the Olympics be without spectators? Shae’s got flags from all the countries, face paint in lots of colors, and a friends and family discount on scalped tickets from her Thelanis buddy Getting.
Shenlie (human druid): Shenlie was really disappointed that there are no winter sports involving animals. But Olympic-level security means lots of security dogs, so rather than compete in the Games herself, Shen summoned Susie, her trusty wolf, and devoted herself to the task of making sure all the athletes, coaches, officials and fans would be safe. She did take a day off to go visit St. Peterburg’s State Hermitage Museum and its famous cats.
Smaragdine (half-elf sorc): At first glance, it doesn’t seem like an earth savant would find much to do at the Winter Games. But after Rags watched Ted “Shred” Ligety dominate in the giant slalom, she just had to try it for herself. It kinda makes sense if you think about it, seeing as how slalom skiers shred snow while earth savants use acid to shred – well, pretty much anything they want to shred.
Syrmere (warforged wizard): It takes a lot of patience to deal with people always wanting you to toast their bagels for them. (If you don’t get that, you’ve probably never played a warforged.) Syrmere’s learned to use that to her advantage when she competes in the women’s speed skating 5000 meter race. Rather than go out too fast and then run out of steam, Syrmere waits and methodically plots the best time to make her move.
Tirae (halfling monk): Monks love speed, and Tirae is no exception. The faster she goes, the better she likes it. She’s not as nuts as Mordreda, so she decided against skeleton racing, but luge suits her to a T (which is appropriate, ’cause “T” is what her friends call her). Her dark skin, black hair and Spider-spun Caparison make her easy to spot against the ice, and hopefully will be a nice backdrop for a medal, too.
Yttriemme (warforged artificer): Being an arti, Yttsie loves to tinker with stuff. She’s not really into sports, but she’s still found her niche at the Winter Games – after all, somebody’s got to keep the bobsleds in peak running order and make sure the ski lifts don’t get stuck, not to mention all the timeclocks and stopwatches that need to be perfect. Plus, the best perk of being the Zamboni mechanic is getting to drive it.
Next up: Team Xen’Drik!