Even’s Guide to Cosmetic Pets

Doomsphere

I’ve had this idea kindasorta kicking around in my head for a while, but it needed some motivation to make its way from whatever fluff might be between my ears to an actual blog post. That motivation came in the form of a comment from DDOCentral on one of my recent posts: “You really should make a list of all of the cosmetic pets in DDO.”

Well, alrighty then! It’s pretty darn long, but then there are a LOT of pets! Ninety-seven in all, and 199 tricks, as well… so many of each, in fact, that I gave up on the idea of putting tables for each directly into this post, and embedded the spreadsheets instead.

If you want to just pull up the master spreadsheet in Google docs (probably a good bit easier to view than the embedded version), here you go! Be patient; the images may take a few secs to load.

Updated March 7, 2017.

Pet database

Tricks database

Filkin’ around: “Purple Worm”

Purple worm, purple worm

I’m sure anyone who read my last blog will be very glad that Niituna has been forbidden to touch the computer again. Ever. The strain on my Caps Lock key was incredible.

But if you’re an easily offended Prince fan, you just might want to stick with Tuna’s attempt at blogging instead of reading the rest of this, ’cause I’m venturing into kinda sacred territory here.

It’s been a pretty tough year as far as celebrity deaths go, and one of the hardest to take was the loss of Prince back in April. The Minnesota native was arguably the most brilliant musical mind of my generation… and he was NOT a fan of parody songs, having famously turned down “Weird” Al Yankovic’s requests to parody his music at least four times.

So I kinda feel a little weird about doing this. Wherever Prince is, if he should somehow happen across this, I hope he’ll know I mean no disrespect. I’m just pairing one of my favorite songs – “Purple Rain” – with a creature from one of my favorite DDO places.

Purple Worm

I never meant to eat that steadfast armor
I never meant to make my tummy hurt
I only wanted one time to eat you, human
I only wanted to eat you, human, ’cause I’m a purple worm

Purple worm, purple worm
Purple worm, purple worm
Purple worm, purple worm
I only wanted to eat your party ’cause I’m a purple worm

I never wanted to be a bloodrock medusa
I only wanted to hang out underground
Human, you could never dodge me, silly loser
It’s such a shame when you get swallowed down

Purple worm, purple worm
Purple worm, purple worm
Purple worm, purple worm
I only want to eat you up ’cause I’m a purple worm

Human, I know, I know, I know about digestin’
It’s time for me to grab you, start to chew
And your hire too

You say you’re not a feeder
But you can’t seem to win on this turn
I think you better give up
And let me chomp you ’cause I’m a purple worm

Purple worm, purple worm
Purple worm, purple worm

If you feel how I’m sliming you right here
C’mon, slide right down

Purple worm, purple worm
I only want to eat you, only want to eat you
‘Cause I’m a purple worm

Alt-ernate reality

Trici

When your alt-itis is as bad as mine, it can be hard to find playing time for all of your toons even under the best of circumstances.

If you’re one of the unfortunate few who read my last post, you might remember that my real-life circumstances have taken a decided turn for the worse. I’d rather not get into too much detail in a public post; suffice to say that health issues affecting a close relative have resulted in some serious quality-of-life changes for myself and my family.

As much as this is having a huge impact on my “me” time, there are two things I refuse to give up. One is my partici… pation in an annual local production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (Officially I play Dr. Scott. In rehearsals, sometimes anything goes – tonight I got to be both Dr. Scott and Janet, which was a riot, especially when it came to the musical numbers and I had to switch from a guttural old German man to a pure soprano, sometimes during the same song).

The other, of course, is DDO. Thank heaven for our little band of Flower Sniffers, who’ve cheerfully put up with me bringing somewhat less than my “A” game the last few months as we’ve moseyed our way through sagas, raids, and of course, Against the Slave Lords.

The new update will, hopefully, someday be a topic for its own post, because bears and bees and cheese and so, so, SO much more! But I’m kinda exhausted after a busy day, so I think I’m just going to fill up my weekly post with some screenies I’ve gotten recently whilst giving monk Acanthia and gnomificer Trici a little much-needed playing time.

Trici

Oh dear – Trici fell asleep in the bath house after a tough night questing! Let’s hope she doesn’t drown… and that Minni (her arti dog) and ArrTwoDogTwo (her iron defender companion) don’t rust.

Minni

Despite his feminine name and hot pink accoutrements, Minni is a boy dog. He’s named after a similarly-misnamed kitty – we didn’t discover the mistake we’d made naming Kitty Minni until he was pretty much stuck with the moniker. He seemed to like it, though!

Acanthia

Acanthia found plenty of things to jade when she and Slvr ran Fashion Madness to catch up on some favor farming, including this squelchie in a fetching pirate hat. She also jaded an eyeball, but killed it before I could get a screenie.

Basalt

She thought of trying to jade Basalt, but she was having too much fun watching him dance, courtesy of Slvr’s bard. Kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “rocking out…”

Acanthia

A quick trip through Palace of Stone convinced Acanthia that – after dretches – DDO should have pet rocks. Or at least pet “animted” mudballs… or maybe a pet copy editor to fix “animted.” (I volunteer!)

I haven’t done a livestream the past two weeks, but hopefully Streamin’ with Even will be back this coming Sunday.  crosses fingers, toes, eyes, arms, and legs

To twinfinity… and beyond!

Sere and Taurriel

 

Talk about déjà vu!

Got my first glimpse of Keava’s new Shadar-Kai Taurriel tonight, and she looked… strangely familiar. I knew I’d seen that rogue before, but where?

Right on my login screen, that’s where. The hair color is different, and Taurriel’s eyes are darker, but otherwise she’s the spitting image of my own Seregeth.

This could come in handy when questing. One sneaky rogue sidles up and gets the enemy’s attention. The mobs whirl around to attack – and see what they think is that same sneaky rogue waaaaay on the other side of the dungeon. While they’re scratching their heads and going, “Wait, what?” the twin rogues whip out their trusty daggers and start assassinating. I like it!

 

Even and 3BC airship

 

Just some random thoughts tonight, because I had a most awesome weekend-into-Monday and I’m exhausted. Slvr discovered that if you climb the bell tower in Three-Barrel Cove when the rare encounter airship Ill Fate is up, you can get a great look at it from above. You can also land on it, which I didn’t get a chance to do because Slvr blew it up too fast. Sure beats trying to fire a ballista when a horde of angry pirates are swinging their whirly chains at you!

 

Meren and death_adurnac

 

Had a strange, slightly cool, and slightly creepy thing happen in a guild run of heroic Shroud Friday night. Everything had been perfectly normal – well, as normal as things can be when the Flower Sniffers of Destiny get together – until Phase 5. My gimpy li’l rogue Meren had grabbed Adur-Nac and was pulling him away so that he could be killed when she noticed that something weird was going on with his name.

He had the correct floaty text in Phase 2, but he kept his “death_adurnac” moniker throughout Phase 5, or at least until we killed him. No one noticed if his “ghost” form also had the glitch. I’ve never seen that in Shroud before, and as many times as I’ve run Shroud, that’s saying something. So it was kinda neat… even though seeing “death” in front of Adur-Nac’s name didn’t settle gimpy Meren’s nerves any.

 

DRETCH!

 

Yes, it’s a picture of a dretch. Because I can. Grabbed it from a splash screen because I was too tired lazy to dig through all my screenies looking for a good dretch shot. Dretches rock, and we need more of them. And we especially need dretch cosmetic pets. I have it on pretty good authority that this won’t happen for a long time if ever, but I’ll never give up hope. C’mere, little dretch! Glarb! Eat my sorrow and drink my pain! NUM!

Citi wrote about dretches in a blog post a while back, suggesting that they need a little theme music when they fall under the spell of Otto’s Irresistible Dance. The cool thing about the DDO blogging community is that, with a few exceptions (as anyone who’s read some of the comment sections on my blog knows, heh heh), we enjoy helping each other out. The lovely grimorde obliged Citi with a video giving dretches their right to party. It’s 18 seconds you’ll thank me for, I promise!

Potions of Wonder

The Flower Sniffers are getting down to the serious business of trying to get everybody flagged for everything. Keava made us a cool spreadsheet in Google Docs (we tried using forum posts first, but the alt-itis some of us – yes, ME – suffer from kinda made that too clunky) so that we can all put in our characters and what they’ve run. Slvr added a few quest arcs… now all I need is the ambition to go through all of my toons and see who’s flagged for what.

And at some point, we really need to have a nekkid guild fun run/raid night with EVERYBODY. Because Acanthia’s bank is starting to fill up with Potions of Wonder. The pic is from a couple of weeks ago; she now has close to 1,500 wonder pots. The plan is to get the entire guild on, take our clothes off, head into a raid, pass a stack of pots to everybody, and start chugging. That’ll definitely be one for the livestream!

Speaking of the stream, I’m moving to midnight (Eastern) Sundays from 11 pm so as not to conflict with any other streams.

Last, but certainly not least – today will mark the 200th issue to the DDO Chronicle! May you have many, many more!

Roid rage

 

Every so often, usually when I’m in the middle of something else, I’ll get a tell from Sadie…

“EEEEVVVEEEEEENNNNNN!!!!! Come run Abbot with meeeeeeee!”

Sunday I was trying to decide what I wanted to run for the livestream, so I opened up my quest journal and started looking for things Even hasn’t run yet. Lo and behold, though she’s been flagged for, like, EVER, she’s not yet run Abbot this life. Not sure how that happened – I may owe Sadie an apology, because I REALLY thought I’d run Abbot with her at some point during Even’s current life.

I actually really, intensely dislike Abbot. I won’t go so far as to say “hate,” but… it’s close. A long, long time ago, I was in Abbot and was on roids duty. In case you’ve never run Abbot, aka Ascension Chamber, the best way to handle roids is to use mouselook to aim boulders at ginormous asteroids that hurtle toward your rickety platform.

I happen to HATE mouselook. It is just completely non-intuitive for me. And that night, as I was trying to go into mouselook to better target incoming asteroids, I pressed “R” instead of “T”…

Not once.

Not twice.

Not three times.

FOUR STRAIGHT TIMES (because yes, we kept failing roids and had to redo it that many times), I pressed “R” for “autorun” instead of “T” for “mouselook,” thereby running right off the precarious perch and plummeting to my death.

I’ve had autorun disabled ever since that night. Remarkably, two or three years later, the people from that PuG still ask me to group with them.

 

Even tosses boulders at roids.

 

So I figured going in there was no way I’d get a completion, because even assuming I could get past roids, there would still be tiles (sheer luck to try to solo since you can’t see the tiles) and ice (that one, with Even’s HP and heal amp, at least I had a shot at).

Head in, beat down the Abbot, portals appear. I figured I’d roll to see which one I’d take first – 1 for left, 2 for center, 3 for right. Rolled a 2, clicked the center portal, and… you KNOW where I ended up. Great.

Oh, for any Abbot virgins out there, did I mention that hjealing of all sorts is disabled in roids? The roids come from all directions. If you don’t hit them with boulders in time, they smack into your little platform, dealing damage that you CANNOT HEAL.

No, I didn’t make it through roids. But then again, I never expected to. I was somewhat pleasantly surprised that I didn’t manage to run off the tiny platform, seeing as how I was in mouselook-that-I-hate, and even more surprised that I managed to take out what seemed (to me) to be a fair number of roids before they finally got the best of me. It was actually pretty fun, which is something I rarely say about Abbot… who knows, maybe I’ll try again sometime!

 

Keava and Getting do EE Demonweb.
Also this past week, Even continued to NOT get a Cursed Blade of Jack Jibbers from yet more Two-Toed Tobias runs. On a happier note, Keava talked Getting the intentionally-gimped bank bard into running Demonweb on EE. I didn’t think she’d survive the first fight… but we made it through Trial by Fury and The Deal and the Demon successfully before we realized it was bedtime.

So much for, “She’s JUST a bank toon. I’m NEVER going to play her!” Yeah, she’s now level 23 and one quest away from being flagged for Caught in the Web. despite being OH-so-gimpy. I was surprised that her CC generally worked pretty well on the rather resistant Drow in Demonweb and Sschindylryn… and wow, I also just realized that she can turn in the first saga if she wants to, just skip Reclaiming the Rift, and get credit for true elite. Go Getting!

She really does kinda suck, but it’s fun to play a toon who wears a giant mushroom on her head, beats things up with a bouquet of flowers, and never takes anything seriously.

Streamin’ with Even is live every Sunday night at 11 pm Eastern time. I’m usually on Thelanis, usually on Evennote, and usually have room, so feel free to send me a tell if you’d like to join! I’m also definitely open to suggestions on what to run next. You can send ingame mail to Evennote on Thelanis, or email me at evennote (at) gmail dot com. Thanks for reading and/or watching!  🙂

The Cursed Lag of Jack Jibbers

 

This past week’s livestream featured Slvr and I dashing off an epic elite Three-Barrel Cove/Sentinels saga to take advantage of the 30% guild renown boost weekend.

It’s probably the easiest epic saga to get through quickly on elite… under normal circumstances. Murphy’s luck being what it is, “normal” did not describe the circumstances we had.

First there was my crappy Internet, which normally gives me a “fair” connection with three bars. On bad nights, it’s two bars and “poor.” On really REALLY bad nights, it’s one bar and “low” or “poor.”

Last night, the signal bar actually disappeared several times. How I managed to stay connected to DDO, I have no idea. But I made it through the saga (sans Precious Cargo, which I thought I had ’cause it was marked on my spreadsheet, and Spies in the House, because I wasn’t in the mood to spend an hour trying to lag-jump through the blade traps) without a single disconnect.

Then there was my computer, which does not like it when I try to run anything else at the same time as DDO. So it’s really not happy on livestream nights when I have DDO, a browser window for  Twitch, and OBS all going at once. It protested, but managed to soldier on.

And then… there was the lag. If I’d been soloing, I’d’ve probably chalked it up to a combination of bad connection and unhappy computer. But Slvr was getting it just as badly as I was. In fact, we wondered if the livestream was going to consist of us standing at the gate to 3BC twiddling our thumbs waiting for the dialogue box to open so we could actually get in.

At last, get in we did, after what seemed like about half an hour spent dancing with the gate. Garl’s Tomb, Prove Your Worth, Ghost of a Chance, and of course, my old buddy Jack Jibbers in The Legend of Two-Toed Tobias. It took a while with all the lag, but FINALLY! we finished them all and headed off to House Deneith for the Sentinels of Stormreach chain.

And that’s where the video ends, because I decided I’d try to improve computer performance a bit by shutting down OBS and my Twitch browser window.

Streamin’ with Even is live every Sunday night at 11 pm Eastern time. I’m usually on Thelanis, usually on Evennote, and usually have room, so feel free to send me a tell if you’d like to join! I’m also definitely open to suggestions on what to run next. You can send ingame mail to Evennote on Thelanis, or email me at evennote (at) gmail dot com. Thanks for reading and/or watching!  🙂

Accidental swag, unexpected adventure

Broccoli and banana

I was lucky enough, on my recent trip to New England, to make a stop in Needham, Mass., and tour Turbine.

‘Twas a very fun trip, and I got to meet a number of devs. Sadly, the banana and broccoli weren’t part of the swag I got, although I must’ve had a jewel of fortune going ’cause I pulled some nice stuff, including a hoodie!

And there was one little item I was definitely not expecting to get, and one that I’m pretty sure no other DDO player has received. But there’s some back story here, so bear with me.

Being an adventurous sort of adventurer, upon completion of my tour followed by lunch (Williamsport needs a Chipotle, dammit!), I noticed that there is a very nice park across the street from Turbine HQ. There’s a trail that goes all the way around a lake. I figured this would be a great spot to stretch my legs and get some pics.

I was not planning on questing. I mean, c’mon, I was in, y’know, REAL LIFE. So I was figuring on a casual saunter with plenty of photo breaks.

But then… but then… well, you know what they say. You can take the adventurer out of the adventure, but you can’t take the adventure out of the adventurer. OK, they don’t really say that, whoever “they” are. It just fits the story to say that they say it.

I heard barking. I heard yelling. And then a medium-sized canine-type monster came bounding up to me.

I stood my ground. He seemed friendly enough and didn’t seem inclined to try to flank me. Shortly thereafter, two adventurers happened along. I’m guessing they were barbarians, although I didn’t know that at the time.

“Is this your canine-type beast?” I asked.

One of them replied, “No.”

I looked at the canine-type beast. “Well,” I said to him, “you’re clearly undergeared, seeing as how you have no leash.”

(I should mention here that for one thing, there were “All dogs must be on leash” signs all over the place, and for another, anyone with an Int higher than 4 should know that, signs or not, no dog should be off leash in an area that’s clearly a habitat for waterfowl.)

“Someone’s probably searching for you,” I added, thinking to myself, “Yes, someone who is clearly not a rogue, because their Spot and Listen both seem to be 0.” And I took hold of the beast’s collar, believing that I was doing its owner a favor.

The two barbarians began to walk away.

The canine-type monster decided to follow.

At top speed.

With my fingers hooked in his collar.

Have you ever wondered what Improved Trip would feel like if you were on the receiving end? I’m betting it would be a lot like the canine-type beast jerking me off my feet and dragging me along the ground for a couple of yards. Turns out he DID belong to one of the barbarians, the one who hadn’t answered at all when I asked if the dog belonged to them.

The trail around the lake was relatively flat in most places, but was covered in dead leaves, bark, small stones, and of course, dirt. My right hand was pretty scraped up, including one good-sized patch that was missing a chunk of skin but had replaced it with trail debris. There was a similar patch on my arm, and assorted little dings elsewhere on my hand, wrist, and arm. And I could feel that my knee was also banged up a bit, but my jeans weren’t torn so I figured that wasn’t too bad.

The two barbarians, or maybe they were warlocks, or maybe just dropouts from adventuring school, proceeded to yell at me about how they were watching their dogs (in the meantime, a second canine-type monster had bounded up) so there was no need for them to be leashed, and generally seemed perturbed that I would dare suggest such a thing. And then they stalked off rather quickly.

I walked on a bit further thinking the gouge on my hand was the worst of it… and then I felt a tickle on my elbow. I thought it was a bug or something, so I swiped at it with my other hand… which came away covered in blood.

You can’t really get a good look at your own elbow, although I tried. And there was a LOT of blood. “The blood vessels are really close to the surface there,” I told myself. “It’s probably not nearly as bad as it looks.”

But I thought I should probably try to at least clean out the trail dirt. And then I realized that, in real life, I have absolutely no self-hjealing. NONE, I tell you! I’d put my wallet, keys, camera, and phone in a little camera bag, and left everything else locked in the car. I had nothing first-aid-y AT ALL with me.

But I was nearly halfway around the lake, so I figured it would be just as long to turn around as it would be to keep going. And so I kept going. Once I finally made it back around to the start (with a short detour to get more pics of a snake that may or may not have been a water moccasin), I headed for the ladies’ room (luckily for me, there was one in the public area of Turbine HQ) to assess the damage.

Well, now I had soap, water, and paper towels, anyway. Jerry, aka Cordovan, was nice enough to bring me some stuff from their first aid kit as well. I never put any points into my hjeal skill, but I figure that was worth at least a +8.

But the worst of the dirt and gunk was still pretty embedded even after an extended period of vigorous washing followed by scrubbing with an antiseptic towelette. Thanks to Cordovan, I now had a couple little packets of antibiotic cream plus bandaging supplies, but I didn’t want to use that stuff until the wounds were clean.

Then some kind woman who happened upon me with my elbow under the faucet told me that there was hand sanitizer in a dispenser in the lobby.

Have you ever poured nearly pure alcohol in a gaping wound? Yeah. NOT FUN. But rather effective once I could feel anything but the infernal burning. The sanitizer was dispensed as a foam, which did a surprisingly good job of foaming the debris out of the wounds. I washed them out one more time, applied the antibiotic cream, slapped the gauze over my elbow, taped it up, and thought that was the end of my adventure…

… and it mostly was. Until I got home and realized… I still have the roll of tape.

I know other DDO players have visited Turbine HQ. I know they’ve gotten swag. But I bet not one of them has EVER pulled a Roll of Adhesive Medical Tape.

Yep. I win the swag war!

(Note: A week and a half later, there is still some gunk embedded in my hand. The elbow wound is finally starting to close and probably should have been stitched. And I really wish I’d put some points in Hjeal and hadn’t dumped Dex!)

Filkin’ Around: Umber Hulk Eyes

 

Update 31 hits tomorrow! YAY!

To celebrate U31, aka “Gnomework,” and the fact that WE’RE GETTING UMBER HULKS!, I thought a filk might be in order. After seeing the glowy umber hulk eyes in this preview video, I thought “Bette Davis Eyes” as performed by Kim Carnes would make a good filk. I used a karaoke version for my interpretation.

Lyrics are in the video captions – if you can’t see them, make sure you have captions enabled!

I was originally going to just use a screenie and paste the lyrics in the body of the post, hence the small image size on the video – I just couldn’t be arsed to go back and enlarge the images after I decided to go with a video instead of a still shot.

And yes, I DO already want umber hulk creature companions…

One last party

 

Alas, poor Jeets, I knew him, Malicia.

I was really glad that Turbine extended the 10th anniversary event by one more day, because last night – when I’d originally been planning to run it one last time – I ended up farming hellhounds to get the hellpup pet. (And finally, success! … yes, that’s 93.  LOL)

So tonight, after a great time running mid-levels with guildies, I started up the stream and headed off to House P for one last hurrah. And hurrah it was. Pretty sure I talked to every NPC, and clicked the Oracle until I’d gotten what I believe are most or all of the tips (well, it took that long before mine came up, LOL).

The resulting video is kind of long as a result, but now I have the event immortalized on my hard drive… and my YouTube account.

I hope Turbine brings back at least the anniversary dungeon every year. I had loads of fun with it, and seems a shame to go to the trouble of developing it to keep it around for a month and a half and then toss it for good.

Many kobold shrieks, slaughtered devs, and creepy Jeets thoughts later, I’ve gotta hand it to DDO for an awesome event. Thank you!  🙂

All the pets, all the tricks

 

OK, it’s almost all the pets. I still don’t have the rust monster, wraith, or hellhound from the Monster Manual (working on them, though!). But as far as I know, I have all the others, along with their associated tricks.

In case you were wondering, that’s 92 pets. Ninety-two. Which is a LOT of pets. And every single one of them has a name. All you people running around with unnamed pets make me sad.  *sniffle*

But that won’t stop me from making sure I get any future pets that are released. Among those I’m hoping to see in the future are DRETCHES!, griffons, harpies, halflings, gnomes, succubi, oozes, llamas (no, they’re not in DDO, but neither are toucans), and… a scurvy-infested blowfish. Oh! And dragons! Basically, if it has any pet qualities AT ALL, I want a pet version of it.

I’ve been wanting to make a pet video for a while now. Was going to do it over this past weekend but Stuff Happening, technical difficulties and all that. But it’s done now!

People who aren’t me may well find it extremely boring. Especially my attempts to monologue. But the residents of Even’s Home for Wayward Pets (c/o Good Ship Flowerpot, Fourth Lower Deck, Thelanis) don’t really care as long as they have the run of  their own stateroom, with their friends from Wild Grove on one side, Otto’s Irresistible Dance Hall on the other, and of course the hot tub for relaxing.

Think Pink!

 

Meant to get this posted sooner, but due to technical difficulties… Anyway!

I’ve been lucky enough to get to run not one, but TWO Shrouds with Geoff, Judye, Tholgrin, Bonnie Bew, the good (if short) folks of Halfling Commandos and Torchwood, and – most importantly – Raid Princess PINK!

I rolled up a brand-new (and brand-newly-gimped) bladeforged pally named Foiled Again for the event. She killed a few things. Very few. I’m blaming her starter gear. Uh-huh, yeah, that’s it. I wasn’t the only one in the party with a sword inadequacy… but that’s a story for another time.

We went in on normal (because lag) for our inaugural attempt, and it went amazingly well. Disappointingly few shards dropped, but looked like Pink picked up a fair few ingredients, at least. I presented her with a bouquet of  flowers to celebrate her first-ever Shroud, and Bonnie gifted her with her very own fiendling companion!

In fact, the first attempt went so VERY well that when we went in again a week or two later, we decided to try it on hard. That… didn’t go as well, LOL. We weren’t doing badly until Phase 4 and THE BLADES. OH, THOSE BLADES. At last Bonnie was the only one left alive, and rather than spend time and resources trying to push through, we opted to start over on normal. More ings and a few shards for Pink, and  more fun!

I didn’t stream our first Shroud, but Bonnie did, and you can watch it here!

Pink did AMAZINGLY well – far better, for sure, than I did in my first Shroud or two or 10. Thank you guys SO MUCH for including me!  🙂

Filkin’ Around: Steelstar Killed My Gimpy Bank Bard

Alas, poor Getting.

 

My unfortunate, intentionally-gimped bank bard wishes she’d not chosen DDO’s 10th Anniversary Party for her debutante ball.

True, Scrag the kobold was happy to see her. And the Coin Lords gave her a nice salute when she arrived.

But then… but then…

Being a bard, she chose to describe her experience at the party via song. Not just ANY song, mind you, but a filk. Thus, my latest creation, to the tune of “Video Killed the Radio Star” by The Buggles (which was the first video ever played on MTV, in case you didn’t know), is the Amazing Gimp-O-Bard version. While you’re reading the lyrics (and hopefully singing them in your head – or aloud – to the melody), try to imagine them as performed by a somewhat plaintive sun elf wearing a big mushroom hat and strumming her lute with a bouquet of flowers…

 

   Steelstar Killed My Gimpy Bank Bard

I should’ve buffed her hitpoints past one fifty-two
Played that one song to get her DCs up there too
But she got stunned and there was nothing she could do
Ow ow ow

She ran upstairs and tried to dirge that dev arti
His robo dog just knocked her down and bit her knee
Wish she’d dumped Heighten for a toughness feat or three

Ow ow ow
She’s now a soulstone
Ow ow ow
He silenced her notes

Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
He shot her up, it broke her heart
Ow ow ow ow ow ow

Her party favors – well, I guess they’ll stay with Jeets
The other devs she’ll never get a chance to beat
That oatmeal raisin cookie wasn’t such a treat

Ow ow ow
Some celebration
Ow ow ow
She’s bruised and achin’

Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
His lightning blast zapped her health bar
His rune arm tore her all apart

Ow ow ow ow ow
Ow ow ow ow ow

Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
His lightning blast zapped her health bar
His rune arm tore her all apart

He shot her up, it broke her heart
She missed him with her throwing dart

Oh, my gimpy bank bard
Oh, my gimpy bank bard

Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard (Oh, my gimpy bank bard)
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard (Oh, my gimpy bank bard)
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard (Oh, my gimpy bank bard)
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard (Oh, my gimpy bank bard)
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard (Oh, my gimpy bank bard)
Steelstar killed my gimpy bank bard (Oh, my gimpy bank bard)

 

Getting vs. Steelstar