Filkin’ around: 99 Mad Kobolds


I’ve long been a fan of filks – aka parody songs – even though I didn’t know that was what they were called until a few months ago. I also like to write. It seemed only natural that at some point, I’d try filking -and shame on you if you looked at the title and thought this blog would be about doing unspeakable things with kobolds. πŸ˜‰

This isn’t my first filk, or even my first DDO-themed one. But I heard the original song today and now it’s stuck in my head. So with many apologies to Nena, here’s my DDO version of “99 Red Balloons.”

You and I, and our hirelings
Wondered what the day would bring
As we headed off to Waterworks
‘Cause we were tired of farming Durk’s

It’s dark and dank and kinda clammy
Wish we’d brought some tasty hammy
To munch on while we contemplate
Why 99 mad kobolds still hate

Ninety-nine mad kobolds
Think we’re stealing Gnashtooth’s gold
“Yark! You die now!” they all yell
And oh my gosh, what is that smell?

It’s the big boss troglodyte
His stink’s a lot worse than his bite
Kill him quick and grab his loot
As 99 mad kobolds rush you

Ninety-nine snouts filled with teeth
Snap at us as though we’re meat
Attacking fast and with such zeal
Dammit, Maloren, I need a heal

This is our lives on the line
This is it now, it’s crunch time
We need to make a move right now
As 99 mad kobolds bear down

Ninety-nine mad little lizards
Quick, Sleet Storm them like a blizzard
To cold I hope they’re not immune
‘Cause we’re gonna be outnumbered soon

It’s too late, I watch you fall
Maloren got stuck in a wall
I can’t reach you so I recall
From 99 mad kobolds in all
Ninety-nine mad kobolds in all

Ninety-nine coins made of plat
Is all I got ’cause the loot was crap
It cost me more to repair my gear
I’m never going back in there

I curse at Harbormaster Zin
And wish your death I could avenge
Oh look, here’s one last mad kobold
I think of you… and smash that sucker to the moon

In case you were wondering – and I’m certainly not suggesting that you were – I’ve considered a video version. And yes, I do have an MP3 of myself singing this, and OH HELL NO, you can’t hear it; that’d take a crapload of Autotune and more alcohol than I’ve consumed in my entire life. πŸ˜›


11 thoughts on “Filkin’ around: 99 Mad Kobolds

  1. Shindurza

    HAHAHAHA! Thanks!! I’m off to bed after another successful Progenitor Crystal run, and after spending time guiding a bunch of the reptiles around, and hearing the NEW sounds from the guy carrying the big rock, this completed my night! πŸ™‚


  2. Naniel

    That was awesome, very funny, singing this is a perfect thing to do while waiting for the server to go back after maintenance. πŸ˜›


  3. Spencerian

    WOW. I was back in college again.

    You know, back when MTV played music. And videos.

    Before the dark times. Before grunge.

    I loved it. Now get a dancing ball going and you can do a parody of “Men Without Hats” song.

    “They can DANCE!”
    “They can DANCE!”
    “Bard’s doing crowd control!”… πŸ™‚


  4. redcastle73a

    If someone were to ask really really nicely, pleeaasseee can I hear you sing, would you at least consider it???

    Love the post πŸ˜€


  5. Pingback: Even Now - Blog Archive - Filkin’ around: They Can Dance

  6. Pingback: Even Now - Blog Archive - Filkin’ around: Keep It

  7. Pingback: Even Now - Blog Archive - Filkin’ around: Don’t Trust Your Hirelings

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