Be uncommon


No, this isn’t one of those posts about being awesome and uber and elite and all that. It’s about two traits often referred to as “common” even though they seem to be getting rarer and rarer – courtesy and sense.

Unfortunately, putting people behind their anonymous computer screens sometimes tends to bring out the worst in them. At least I HOPE it’s the anonymity; I’d hate to think so many of them are this rude, arrogant, and/or clueless in their real lives.

PuGs are often a breeding ground for bad behavior. People turn other players down for not conforming to some kind of ideal standard. They kick players who make honest mistakes. They boast, they brag, they argue, they condescend; sometimes they scream and rant… over PIXELS.

Now apply this attitude to real life. Suppose you were planning a long car trip and wanted to find others to go along for companionship and to share the driving and expenses. You have a minivan that seats 12. You know you’ll need some people who can help drive, some people who can help pay for gas and expenses, and some kind of fun or entertainment because there are going to be 12 people cooped up in a vehicle for a very long time.

So you put an ad in the paper or on Craigslist, and people start contacting you. Maybe you get five or six people who can all take their turns driving and contribute a share of cash towards gas and such. Then you get a few who are short on funds, but willing to do more of the driving to compensate, and some who can’t drive but volunteer to buy most of the gas. And maybe you even get one who seems really nice and fun, but can’t drive and doesn’t have much money to contribute; however, he (or she) says s/he will bring all the food and snacks, or even provide entertainment by bringing videos, games, music, etc.

You might be looking only for people who can drive AND pay AND maybe also be fun. But with yourself and 11 others, you probably don’t need everyone to take a turn behind the wheel. If you tried to pick a flat rate of money for each person to contribute, you might end up turning a profit (which nullifies most insurance, at least in the U.S.), so having a few people who can’t pay as much shouldn’t be a big deal. And while it might not be as obvious, you really ARE going to need some entertainment.

So… how would you treat someone who could drive, but not pay? Or pay but not drive? Or couldn’t pay OR drive, but demonstrated that they could still be an asset to the group? Would you berate them or make fun of them or make them feel bad for not being “uber” trip companions?

Now, how do you respond to someone who applies to your LFM and doesn’t have a gazillion hit points or a DR breaker that meets your approval, or hasn’t done the quest but wants to learn it? Would you treat them differently than if the situation were real life, such as the driving trip example? If so, how do you justify this? Are people you know only on DDO less “real” or less important just because you don’t see them face to face?


And then there are the people who never stop to think about what they’re doing and how it might affect a group dynamic. I’m all for playing your own way, but when you join a group, you also have a responsibility to the other people in that group to do your best to be an asset, or at least not a liability, even if it sometimes means getting out of your own comfort zone for the good of all.

I’m not talking about honest mistakes here. We’ve all made them (yes, even the egolitists who won’t admit it). I’m talking about – well, stupidity. There’s really no other way to put it.

This is kind of an extreme example, but it really happened. Slvr and Baz and I were semi-PuGging in High Road a few weeks ago. By semi-PuGging, I mean it was us and two guys who were in one of our chat channels, but whom we really didn’t know. I was on Vic, Slvr was on his bard, Baz had his ranger, one guy was on a FvS, and the last guy was a barb.

The FvS said he could heal but was more of a melee toon, so we talked about bringing a healer hire. Slvr had Andaro on timer. I had Luna, but not on timer, don’t think Baz had one. So we’re talking about this, and meanwhile the barb steps in and, without asking anyone ELSE about who was bringing which hire, pops… Wyoh. Seriously? Wyoh? She sucks in HEROIC content… although IMHO the much larger issue was that he didn’t even bother to check with anyone else.

But we shrugged and stepped in anyway. The barb was being – I don’t even have words for it. We’d be fighting some mobs, he’d look over and see some other mobs far enough away that they hadn’t noticed us yet, and he’d run over and aggro them and bring them back so that suddenly we were fighting twice as many mobs. And he kept doing it, over and over; it wasn’t like he accidentally triggered some mobs once and then stopped. We all tried to tell him, nicely, that we’d like to finish killing ONE group of mobs before we had another set land on top of us. His response? “Hehehehe.”

Because of this, we had a few close calls… like when we were fighting something like three wizards, some wolves, a couple of bears the barb had run off, aggroed and brought back, and THEN, during all this, he saw a rare on the map and ran off to THAT in mid-fight. Just what we needed, BOTH Wild Brothers along with everything else. The FvS stopped healing the barb – couldn’t blame him, after all, the guy brought his own (sucky) healer hire and was a total drain on resources to boot. His hit points were pretty low for a lvl 23 barb, and it was plain that he had poor AC and little or no healing amp. He DID drink a couple of Cure Serious pots, which did almost nothing. Now, I don’t mind playing with gimpy toons, but be smart about it. If you’re squishy and hard to heal, you don’t go around aggroing everything that moves and hope to hell that Wyoh keeps you alive… well, not unless you have the IQ of, erm, Wyoh.

Oh, but it gets better. We’re on the flat area near the waterfall and the FvS says he has a crying baby and a sick wife, so he’s going afk for a few. We’re fine with that – at least, Slvr and Baz and I were fine with it. Real life happens, and should ALWAYS take priority over DDO. So we’re standing there waiting for him, and the barb runs off… again. And ran into a pack of bears. Miraculously, he didn’t QUITE die; instead, he came running back TO US with about four angry bears in hot pursuit.

Well, with the FvS afk, Baz had gone for a drink as well. Slvr was reading something on the forums, so neither of them was paying attention to the game. And thanks to this guy’s utter stupidity, they both got killed. Vic went through a fair number of scrolls trying to heal them, but as she was also running for her OWN life, it didn’t work too well. The FvS NEARLY died but got back to the keys JUST in time to throw a heal on himself.

That’s about as close as I’ve come to really unloading on someone. I think I said something like, “You’re the one who ran off and aggroed everything and then expected us to save your butt but got two of us killed instead. That’s why I didn’t waste scrolls on you.”

You know what he said? “Hehehehe.”

Later, when Vic was down a few levels from an encounter with a couple wizards, she failed a UMD check on scroll healing herself once or twice, and this guy had the nerve to say, “You should be using Yugo pots. Why don’t you have any?” Y’know, there’s a right way and a wrong way to say that, and that was the wrong way. The RIGHT way would have been something like, “I know some toons who use UMD carry Yugo charisma pots for when they have stat damage. That might be something that would help you.”

And it doesn’t end there. We went into A Stay at the Inn, by which point the barb was sulking a bit, I think; he certainly got quiet… until it came to the breakables. I swear we could see his little pixel eyes light up every time he spotted a vase or an urn. We’d already been using our private channel to vent about the guy, and when his breakable hoggy-ness became apparent, we decided to try to beat him to the breakables just because we were that fed up with him. Vic with her repeater and Baz with his longbow had no trouble getting to the farther breakables before the barb, who was racing around like crazy trying to get anything that dropped from them. Then Slvr hit a couple of vases with some kind of sonic spell, and out fell a +3 to +4 Charisma upgrade tome.

Now, barbs don’t have any pressing need for charisma. Baz’s ranger didn’t either; it would’ve been nice for Vic’s UMD but hardly a key stat for her. Slvr’s bard and the FvS – THEY were another story. I figured it should either go to Slvr, since he broke the vase it fell out of, or Slvr and the FvS should roll on it since they were the two who’d get the most use out of it.

Nope. The barb swooped in and snatched it up… and then complained because he can’t use it since he’s never eaten ANY charisma tome, let alone a +3. And of course, it was bound, although I doubt he’d have passed it even if it weren’t.

So we ALL pointed out to him that Slvr was the one who broke the vase, and that Slvr and the FvS were the only ones who could REALLY use it. And what do you think the barb said to that? I bet you can guess…



19 thoughts on “Be uncommon

  1. Mizzaroo

    @blue I imagine they hired an assassin to hunt him down and eliminate him. For good.
    When the assassin informed them he was “gone”, they’re response was, ‘hehehehe’


  2. Mizzaroo

    Now, as to you, miss evennote, when it became apparent the guy was a total… Tard(for lack of a nicer word) why didn’t you guys just boot him? He obviously didn’t want to drive, pay for gas or even bring snacks! I hate it when people don’t bring snacks!


    1. Evennote

      Blue, we gritted our teeth and finished the quest… and then made excuses as to why we weren’t gonna run any more that night. LOL

      Mizz, I’ve never booted ANYONE from a party. I’ve been tempted, but I kinda have a personal rule about no booting and no ragequitting. ‘Sides, we couldn’t have booted him because we were in a dungeon, but I wouldn’t’ve anyway.


  3. Micki

    🙂 what diff did u run and did he die? When ppl play stupidly and piss me off, what I do is leave them to it and take another route. If they die, I rescue them once it’s convenient, but I won’t be running after them. And, there’s always room in the backpack. 🙂

    I had an fvs who joined my PoP pug (heroic elite on level), who stepped in before the rest of us, said he was gonna start clearing and instead just ran full speed to the first room, throwing bb behind him, not really killing anything. I was so annoyed that instead of trying to work with the group I took my hire and went to solo another room. Just to see if I would die. I said over voice “oh, he’s so uber, just let him solo that room”. Then this person dares to complain when my hire dies. At least he left after the one run and the rest of my game time was spent with a nice group.


  4. Mizzaroo

    Okays. I spoze that makes sense. To bad you can’t teleport them to a nuclear wasteland. His barbarian booty woulda been killed so fast! Yup. It’s true! It is. Now… I want snacks! Pwease?


    1. Evennote

      @Micki: I have no idea what difference the difficulty makes; most of the questing we did was in the wilderness area. I THINK we did Stay at the Inn on eHard. Remember, I am NOT all uber and elite, so I don’t do everything on EE. By the time we got to the quest, we were all pretty much ignoring the barb as far as doing anything to help him stay alive (including the FvS, who was his guildie), and he did die several times. Those were the only deaths we had. The remaining four of us all stuck together; it never occurred to me to run out on the other three. If I’m in a group, I stick with those people and try to do my best for them.

      @Mizz: FISHSTICKS! And I like the nuclear wasteland idea. 😀


  5. LrdSlvrhnd

    Maraga still cries about that tome. That woulda been my first +4. And it was… um… uh… the sonic cone thingie. Which looks more like a bunch of stacked donuts. Soundburst! That’s it! And I remembered the name *before* I got to the wiki page for it…

    @Micki: it’s hard to leave somebody who brings his own rezbot with him. The one time Wyoh died, somebody raised her (I’m assuming the barb with a GS clicky in a rare non-raged-and-frenzied moment). And Stay at the Inn doesn’t really lend itself to “go somewhere else and hope the barb dies”. We quickly stopped chasing after him, though… which simply meant that he started bringing things back to *us*.


  6. Artrish

    It sounds like you ran into muttley from the great race. I hope next time you run into the evil dr craw from inspector gadget’s cat. That cat ‘hehehe’s in the same way but is a tonne load more pleasant to group with then some cheeky puppy running a race.


  7. LrdSlvrhnd

    Yeah, the FvS seemed like a decent guy. Guess you can’t really help who your guildies are, unless you stay small like us *g* I’d totally run with that FvS again… but if I ever hear that “hehehehe” again, I may run screaming. And yeah, pretty sure it was EH. EE, I probably would’ve gone with Grynd lol (Maraga’s squishy and gimpy. I know her limitations, and while I’ll cheerfully push ’em in a good group… EE-capable she ain’t.)


  8. Naniel

    Wow… just wow… this reminds me of the worst pugs I’ve had myself, luckily I have’t been in one of those in a while… It’s funny how one person can ruin the fun of whole group. Sucks bad….

    I think if it happened to me I’d just send a tell to the people I liked telling them to recall out and that I’ll invite them, while leaving the single funbreaking person in the instance uninformed, happily soilong whatever quest he wanted to run with him Wyoh hire 🙂


  9. LrdSlvrhnd

    @Naniel: We don’t roll that way. Mind, *after* the quest is over is different, but not during. And after the first death in the quest, it stops mattering at all, so we just kinda let him do his own thing and die while we bitched privately and tried to snipe breakables from him. The tome was kind of the breaking point, though… unfortunately, it happened on the way to the end fight, and at that point who wants to start over?.

    Although if the FvS hadn’t been a guildy of the barb, I think we might’ve considered it more *g* (Actually, from the apologetic tells that at least I was getting, I’m not sure but that he wouldn’t have joined us lol – but I wouldn’t have wanted to make him choose between us and a guildy.)


  10. redcastle73a

    It would be nice if everyone could drive, pay some cash and brings snacks but I wont take someone cause they can’t. I have had a few instances like your barb and I invited him into a group after the quest and just asked why he did what he did. He was quite frank, he didn’t know any better and no one had ever asked him to change. So we 2 manned a few quests above our level and we took hirelings. I showed him how to fight in a group. Probably a month went by and I got a mail, “thankyou for teaching me”. Now granted there are some who are just jerks, but not all. Everyone is unique and brings something unique into game; accept, respect, forgive where needed, teach if you can and have fun.
    Regarding EE, I have only run 1 to date. But I do know who I’d like in my group for more 🙂


  11. legendkilleroll

    Yeh it sucks having people like that ruin your game time, sometimes they cant help it but that guy seemed like he was just being a jerk

    Yes wyoh is very bad lol

    I too prefer to stay as group, boring when your just following blade barriers around, you sound like the type of player i would enjoy running with 🙂


  12. Micki

    I did not realize u were in wilderness, I assumed u were questing. I asked about difficulty because on a lower difficulty, it’s easier to get away with things like the stuff ur barb friend did, while on higher it can wipe the party. 🙂


  13. Spencerian

    You’re a better toon than I, Evennote.

    I’m usually fairly patient with poor PuGs that might join us in guild runs. But we’re pretty clear on the outset that we are (1) doing all optionals, and (2) staying together. After that, we watch the cooperation. Most non-guildies are just fine (on occasion, we like them enough to ask them to join our guild). In fact, it’s often players from other guilds (as opposed to unguilded players) that are more problematic. They’ve likely already joined for a particular play ideology, and often that style isn’t compatible with our guild’s.

    But, as Naniel said, sometimes it’s better (and after clear advisories to work as a team), that we guildies all recall and drop party to reform. Other times, we ask the person to leave before reforming. I don’t like abandoning them to die, which unfairly eats at their resources, but their behavior might justify this, depending on the magnitude of the adventure. Our game time and resources are just as important when we’re using them, and games are for fun, not drama or weird, silly people–certainly not to get your gear all cracked and your platinum spent repairing it.

    Still, I marvel at your patience.


  14. Finch_Bloomwhiffler

    I would have been irked at the tome-looting from the breakable, but as soon as the bard started complaining they couldn’t use it *after* they looted, I’d have stabbed them in the eye. Or at least recalled and reformed.

    Because if I went on a road trip with strangers and someone kept peeing on the car and giggling, I would leave them behind. No amount of driving or gas money is worth it.


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