When I was getting seriously ready to TR Jall, I asked my friend Purp for help with her next build – well, OK, it was really more like me pleading, “Purp, HELP! I don’t want her to suck this bad in her next life! Make a build for me!”
Which he did, and it’s been SOOOO much better than her first life. But I digress. Besides the build, he also posted a guide to playing a healer. There were five steps; I can’t remember all of them but I know Jall came in somewhere between Step 1 and Step 2. And Step 5 was the Zerging Cleric – “Follow me if you want to live!”
At the time I couldn’t imagine EVER feeling that way when playing a healer. Jall’s first life was all healbot, all the time. When someone died, I automatically assumed it was because I screwed up. I almost never thought about things like barbarians with low AC and paladins with no healing amp and the extra mana it took to heal people who didn’t stay close to the party.
Jall just ran her second Shroud of this life, and sometime during the run, I realized that there were a couple of people dying and… I didn’t care. She was keeping up the main party just fine; the ones who were dying were straying away from the main party or taking tremendous amounts of damage in a single hit (hey, GeoffHanna, how’s this for a MMOtivational idea – “Fortification: It’s not twink gear”).
Oh, I still TRIED to keep them up, to the tune of four or five major pots. That happened in her first life too, but back then I got mad at myself for having to use pots because I was a bad healer. During that Shroud, I got annoyed at the couple of people who were costing me pots because – well, because they were costing me pots.
It was a weird feeling – kind of a good one, but mostly weird. I tend to be my own worst critic, ingame and out of it, and I never expected to have people die on my watch and not go through a guilt trip over it. If the dying party members had been in my circle of friends rather than random PuGgers, I wouldn’t have cared about the pots (and probably would have cared a lot more about the deaths). But none of the problem children in the party were people I knew, so there came a point when I saw HP dropping on someone who was way off from the rest of the party, and I thought, “Eh, I can’t be arsed, I’ll rez them after Harry goes down.” I wasn’t mad at them, I didn’t think they were terrible players; I just didn’t feel responsible this time.
Jall’s still a charter member of Mnemonoholics Anonymous, but things have changed. Now she tends to use pots because she likes throwing out blade barriers and Destruction and cool offensive spells like that. Outside of that Shroud, most of the time she’s not even using cures and heals because her aura and bursts have been enough… and THAT feeling is ALL good.
The feeling that’s NOT so good is this “little glitch” that’s been going on with radiant aura. Baz first noticed it running his cleric on Cannith Night; his aura would suddenly be hitting one person for way, WAY less than before. As far as we could tell, it was completely random, and after a while it went away on its own.
So the next time I signed Jall in, I paid close attention to the green numbers from her aura and sure enough, the same thing happened. Running elite Genesis Point (which she solo healed at lvl 17 with only one death, and that was the guy who stayed up top to pull the levers while the rest of us were down below, so GO JALL!), her aura was hitting the other party members for 25-48, much more on crits, with the difference being how much heal amp each person had.
And then all of a sudden she’d be hitting one or two people for single-digit healing. I tried swapping her gear in and out; the affected party members did the same. Nothing helped. It’d go like that for a while and then randomly go back to normal for no apparent reason. The above screenshot was taken during one of the glitchy times; as shown, Jall’s aura was hitting the guy on the left for 12 points and the guy on the right for 9. Pre- and post-glitch, she was hitting them for 48 and 30 respectively, IIRC.
Jall is never going to be an über cleric because, for one thing, I leave überness for the egolitists, and for another, playing a healer just doesn’t come as naturally to me as playing a melee or even a caster. But it’s kind of nice to finally feel like maybe she’s doing OK.