Hirelings are the pits

Seriously, someone needs to feed Heystack Ironhorse (level 18 hireling cleric, in case you didn’t know) a +4 Tome of Clear Thought.

What kind of moron is named Heystack, anyway? I’ll tell you what kind of moron – the kind that is SUPPOSED to have his butt firmly parked at the start of The Pit until I summon his arse to turn the valves for me in the third furnace room.

But is this what he does? Nooooo! Dumbstack takes it upon himself to try to come and find me for some reason. Granted, although I had him parked, I did have him in defend mode instead of passive, but I didn’t need healing – between my Virtue (the spell, not the character trait :P) and the extra HP my armor gives me sometimes when I take a hit, I was at my full 386 hit points and another +47.

I wasn’t even THINKING about Heydoofus, and then I noticed a message in green party chat type, which threw me off for a sec because aside from Heystupid, I was soloing…

“Your party member Heystack Ironhorse has died.”

I try to keep this thing PG-rated, so I won’t tell you exactly what I said at that point. I couldn’t figure out what the heck happened to him – did a rogue trog somehow escape from the Bilge Control Room and decide to have hireling for lunch? Did an enormous black pudding fall from the ceiling of the Security Center and bury him in ooze and acid slime? Did he just forget to eat that day and starve to death?

Nope, nope and nope. Heyidiot somehow managed to fall off the catwalk all the way down to the lava pit where my good buddy the Avatar of Juiblex lives. Being a hireling, and a particularly stupid hireling at that, he didn’t have the sense to take ONE FREAKING STEP out of the lava onto the handy rock next to him, so – assuming the fall didn’t kill him – he burned himself up.

All that, and you know what was in the Avatar of Juiblex chest? Not the Muck’s Doom I wanted; instead, I got a +1 brigandine and a smattering of gold. Not to mention several minutes of my life I’ll never get back because I was running all over the Pit looking for him.

I wonder if he just had a heal thing going on. It’s a level 7 quest; I’m level 18 and not ONCE did I drop below 350 hit points (I’m not even sure I ever got that low). And yet Ignoramus-stack cast heal on me several times, often when I was at full HP. This is the same guy who in harder quests has stood by and watched my hit points dwindle to 0 while he twiddled his thumbs instead of throwing me a heal.

The night got better, though. One of Even’s fellow Montians was looking for an elite opener to run Irestone for favor. There’s a back story here that I won’t get into; let’s just say that when you have a beef with a guild and you decide, instead of talking privately with the officers, to take it to guild chat and then into the comments in your LFM, it says a lot more about you than about the guild. So this was jokingly going to be an all-Monty group (yes, only jokingly, anyone was welcome). He was level 16, Even was in at 18 and we got a level 14 cleric (who was not in any guild at all). Tore through Irestone handily although Even had to keep trashing stuff; as the designated tank she was the one hauling the kegs, and her inventory kept filling up. But it’s not like she has a lot of use for level 4 loot anyway.

After that our healer wanted to do Hiding in Plain Sight. We got a full party and handled that pretty easily as well. Afterwards most of the party scattered until just the healer and I were left. She suggested Invaders. Took a bit to fill, but we got a really good group, including another Montian. That was nice; most of Even’s fellow guildies are focusing on P2P quests so she hasn’t gotten to quest with other Montians lately. Got another healer who was really good as well, and a couple of casters. Somehow at least one of them was able to use Hold Person on the beholders several times, and someone else – might have been the Monty’s ranger, I can’t remember – was really mowing down the big mean eyestalk things. I heard someone say something about rapid shot – whatever it was, it WORKED.

We had a couple of deaths, including two of mine; having a +49 Intimidate skill is not always a good thing when you’re surrounded by angry reavers, beholders and those damn orbs (or as one party member called them, “big purple carpet cleaners”). On the other hand, as the main DPS, better for me to die intimidating the hell out of the bad guys than lose a couple of squishy people.

Meanwhile I won yet another MyDDO lottery – calm down, ComicRelief! It wasn’t another lesser heart of wood; Victaurya won some ebony hair dye. It looks good on her, too. As for those lesser hearts of wood, I was a little disappointed to find out that I couldn’t level Even back to, say, level 16, and then level her as her friends progress. I think it was the part about getting a +1 tome back at level 3 and a +2 back at level 7 that made me think you levelled the “normal” way, through a trainer, after a lesser reincarnate. Oh well. Since she’ll lose her ranks and extra XP, I’m going to wait until she gets to level 19 to do the LR.

I have just one other question – she was originally a 28-point build, but I’ve since unlocked 32-point builds. When she lesser reincarnates, can she do it as a 32-point build? I could really make her into something kick-ass with that.


7 thoughts on “Hirelings are the pits

  1. mystic586

    The one I love is In gianthold, the Healer hireling is standing in a pool of lava asking for a heal till they die. A HEALER ASKING FOR A HEAL…….I laughed about that one for a week.

    As far as your lesser heart of wood…no, you only get the upgrate to the 32-point build with a greater or True heart of wood…..sorry.


  2. ComicRelief

    ROFL – What do you mean “calm down”? You want calm? I’ll show you calm… hehehehe

    I think (not sure mind you, but just think [I do do that, on occasion]) you need a greater heart of wood to convert the 28-point to a 32-point.

    And just so you know, my Ranger/Rogue has also won several lotteries lately – three (yes three) gold-seal, level 9 cleric hirelings (or rather “hireling” since it’s the same one). Of course, if the AI is still wonky (which all indications are that it is), not sure how much good they (or she) will do.


  3. Ratso33

    I agree cleric AI seems to have extra stupid added lately , other day my rogue died and my friends hireling was spamming CLW after CLW, at least one per second if not more, until i ress’d and then it stopped and had to be told to cast


  4. geoffhanna

    Yes only Greater Hearts up your build to 32 points.

    p.s. Heystack can be just awful (Wyoh is worse btw) but my favorite part about Heystack is his flavor text: “He could have been a king if not for the flatulence”


  5. Mizzaroo

    My cleric pulled a stupid on me too. Because of it I had to do the Second Waterworks quest 5 times just to kill the Bloodletter. It took that many tries to realize that my Cleric wasnt wanting to heal me. Instead she wanted to just… stand there and die. And not heal me. Mean mean Clerics. Maybe their all on a “Stupid Strike”?


  6. LrdSlvrhnd

    So, I’m in a PUG last night, doing the Pit – which I’ve never done before. I joined in progress, so it’s not even a case of follow the leader – first I have to FIND them. I see a couple of blue dots right near my arrow, and I say “Yay, people!” and look around, and see them on a ramp a couple of levels down… so I jump down to float to ’em.

    Turns out to be a pair of hirelings. The entire quest, I’m running around accompanied by a clericbot, FvSbot, summoned earth elemental, and summoned air elemental. Meanwhile, the others are doing all the fighting without their support… I spent way too much time seeing a glimpse of somebody in the distance, charging to catch up, and realizing it’s a hireling who’s even more lost than I am – and then getting latched on to.

    Of course, when I *do* finally catch up, I eventually go charging after a few casters, get Held, and die. And *this* is when the cleric decides to stop following me around, rather than being useful and resurrecting me…


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